I need another slice – And these paper plates

“If you can read this, you need another slice.”

I’m pretty sure I would be okay blaming the nation’s obesity problem on these plates just so I could have the conversation with my plate over and over again instead of inside my head:

Me: Hmm, I’ve already had 3 pieces of pizza….
Plate: Can you read this?
Me: Well yeah…
Plate: Then you need another piece.
Me: Oh, well that was easy then.

~ Two pieces later~

Me: Ugh, I’m so full…
Plate: Can you read this?
Me: Well yes, but I’m so—
Plate: You need another slice.
Me: But I’m —
Plate: No ‘buts’. You need another slice.
Me: Oh alright…

~ Two whole pizzas later~

Me: Seriously, no more, I’m so full!
Plate: Can you read this?
Me: I already know where this is going. Look at the empty boxes!
Plate: Look at me! Can you read this!?
Me: Of course, but —
Plate: *low, creepy voice from the horror movies* Order…more….pizza. You need another slice….
Me: ….
Plate: …..
Me:  Hello, Pizza Hut, are you hiring? I need another slice….
Plate: Atta girl…

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