Not everybody loves Starbucks

Reminder that this year’s NaBloPoMo theme on Quirky Cookery is “adults.” Content may not be appropriate for kids.

This one is considered “adult” for language. It went viral last year, but if you missed it, here it is now. Here are the written lyrics if you want to read along:

Welcome to starbucks
my name is Chris
I’ll be your barista for the day
Can i make a drink for you miss?

I know you’ve had a shitty day
well so have I
I really don’t want to care
but I get paid to try

Hello rich white lady,
I already know what you want
you want a skinny vanilla latte
young debutant

well that drink won’t make you skinny
you gotta work for that
and just in case your wondering
I just called you fat

hey mr. asshole
want 6 breakfast sandwiches?
I got a line of angry customers
to hell with this

You’ve got a gang of noisy kids
can you shut them up
I just want to draw a middle finger
on your cup

screw frappucinos
they take forever to make
you know there’s about a pound of fat
in your RF coffee cake

You ordered a grande drip
and my coffee is out
I’ll just pour you something fresh
from the decaf spout

if I have to serve another latino
An extra caramel frappucino
I’ll empty my drawer
and go to reno
and that’s not nonfat in your cappucino

and there’s that angry man
when the store is closed
feels the need to shout aloud
and pound on the windows

well its just a cup of coffee
give me a break
I shouldn’t have to put up with this
making minimum wage

This is starbucks
I don’t want to see you yawn
well you made me get my ass up
at the butt crack of dawn

And I just came up short
on your vanilla bean
i’ll just inject it with some whip
because it can’t be seen

please reach the toilet
that’s where you’re supposed to take shit
I don’t have time to shake your tea
I’ll just swirl it a bit

All my friends think they deserve
something for free
At least act like you will pay
Cuz the lead is staring at me

And all you regulars
who order your ‘name supreme’
well i still don’t know your drink
can you explain it to me

and yes I topped your grande mocha
with diarrhea whipped cream
can you make your way home
i’ve got milk to re-steam

You get cappucinos
your the pickiest of all
you didn’t order it dry
but you want no milk at all

you throw back in my face
tell me I made it wrong
When I got a line of drinks
a couple miles long

extra shot of espresso?
"Stop hassling me,
can i get 18 pumps of classic?"
with type 2 diabetes

and I think i’ve had it up to here
with these treat receipts
If I have to explain it another time
I might defect to Peet’s

I work for starbucks….

Oh, and yes, he got fired for this….for obvious reasons.

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