Dear Refrigerator… Let’s Move In Together

humor | January 31, 2015 | By

Dear Refrigerator,

I think it’s time we have the talk. We’ve been doing this song and dance for a while now and I think we’re both pretty comfortable with it.

We spend night and day together, laughing and crying, consoling one another when times are rough and celebrating when things are great. We’ve experienced the best of times together, but it’s when life is really getting us down that our relationship grows even stronger.

Maybe I’m moving too fast, but I don’t care. I can’t stand to spend another minute away from you. I really think it’s time you move in with me. No more distance. No more painful late night debates of whether I should get up and make the long trek to your location in another room.

You should be with me. Right here. Right now. Within arm’s reach. No questions, no agonizing debates, no midnight compromises where logic gets the best of me to wait until another time. Come be with me. Come stay by my side and never leave me. Let’s be together and never grow apart.

Just promise me that you’ll always have a piece of chocolate cake hidden in the back. I know you mean well with the carrots and you have my best interests at heart, but when I really need you, please cave to my needs and let me have that decadent chocolaty sweetness. And in return, on the darkest of nights when you think I’ve forgotten, I’ll be sure to open your door, turn the light on, and let you know I’m thinking of you. I may not indulge in the cookie dough you’ve tucked away behind the mayo and I may overlook the leftovers that are sitting right in front of me, but know that you are appreciated and adored.

Let’s take that leap and go for it. Be by my side and I’ll take care of you until the end of your days. Or at least until the end of your warranty. You bring the condiments and I’ll bring fresh produce, and together, we shall never spend another night alone.

Your Greatest Admirer, Jessi

This may have made the Titanic accident a little less tragic (Wordless Wednesday)

humor, Wordless Wednesday | March 12, 2014 | By

Killer whale orcas swimming around the bottom of an iceburg that's really an underwater ice cream cone instead.

Bacon and egg hot tub for toast people

bacon, eggs, funny, Halloween, humor, toast | March 7, 2014 | By

A bowl with lots of bacon around the outside, scrambled eggs in the middle, and toast cut into the shapes of men with ketchup smiley faces. "Bacon and egg hot tub for toast men"

So this “grown man” calls it a bacon and egg hot tub for his toast people.

I’m afraid that I saw a much more gruesome scene when I first saw this picture. For starters, they definitely look like they’re screaming…likely from drowning in this ‘hot tub’. The fact that the bacon looks more like giant worms, though, or potentially a volcano of scrambled eggs…. sets more of a horror film here.

Which means ultimately, I end up imagining the scrambled eggs bubbling up like molten lava, engulfing the little toast people’s legs, while the bacon worms (Tremor-style) leap in and out of the bowl, attacking them ferociously….

Okay, so I might have some issues….